


not alone

by steamingcupoftea



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: (Because I said so), Angst, Angst with a Hopeful Ending, Canon-Typical Worms (The Magnus Archives), F/M, Gen, POV Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Post MAG40, Sasha James Lives, This is very Tim-centric, Tim's time in quarantine, my notes on this just said "post the wormening"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:48:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25027216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steamingcupoftea/pseuds/steamingcupoftea
Summary: After Jane Prentiss's attack, Tim is stuck quarantined at the hospital and left with plenty of time to think of how he got to this point. If his mind dwells a little longer on Sasha, then well... That's not his fault. And if it brings him to text her at three in the morning? Well... That might be a little his fault. He wasn't expecting her to be awake, though.
Relationships: Sasha James & Tim Stoker, Sasha James/Tim Stoker
Comments: 10
Kudos: 27





	not alone

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so real talk, this was originally going to be a lowkey songfic? But then it just turned out to be Tim Being Sad?? I listened to Not Alone by Darren Criss on repeat while writing this entire fic, so if you want the same vibe I had when I wrote it listen to that song. That song from A Very Potter Musical just fucks me up fam. 
> 
> Hope you like it!

Tim’s time quarantining had really given him time to think and reflect on his life over the last few years, to think about how much he’d changed. There wasn’t much else to do when stuck in a hospital for two weeks, after all. Not when the only human interaction he was allowed was people coming in dressed in hazmat suits to prod at him and check him for any sign of worms. His skin crawled just thinking about it. And sleep didn’t come easy, not with all the nightmares and the pain. So all he could really do was think about everything in his life that led him to this point. 

He thought about Danny, about how alone he felt when he’d lost his little brother. Without his body ever being found, he was forever marked as a missing person. Tim knew better, of course, but who would he tell for it to matter? And would they really believe him? It had left him so, so alone. And that was what led him to join the Institute. He thought that maybe, just maybe, he could find something there that gave him some closure. 

He spent his first few years there only focused on trying to find anything that could avenge his brother. But after a while, and barely anything to show for it, he stopped looking so hard. He started to settle, to see his time there as more of his job and less of a way for him to get information. He got comfortable, even started to try to enjoy himself a little again. 

And then he met Sasha. Beautiful, brilliant, hilarious Sasha. They weren’t close at first, she had seemed hesitant to want to be anything more than colleagues. He could see just how focused she was on her work. How much she longed to work her way up the ladder. He hadn’t minded, though. After a few months of lunches together, he’d finally asked her out to drinks. 

That became their tradition. Friday nights were pub nights, they’d go out and have a few drinks and unwind. She’d tell him all about how she wanted to work her way up in the ranks of the Institute. He was always the first to know when she was thinking about transferring out of research. And then he even started to open up to her. After almost a decade of keeping it to himself, Tim told Sasha about Danny. The night he did it felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Someone else finally knew the truth and she believed him. Sasha became his best friend. 

Then one night almost ruined things. They’d both been a little drunk when they stumbled back into Tim’s flat to watch a film. He still wasn’t sure who had initiated it, but they fell into bed together. When he finally woke up the next day, he was alone. 

Pub nights stopped for a while after that and Sasha had transferred to work in the archives. Tim was alone once more. 

He threw himself into his work again, which seemed to please his coworkers, especially Jon. So when Jon got the Head Archivist position, it didn’t surprise him too much that he was asked to transfer along with him. What did surprise him was seeing Sasha again. They all knew that she was far too qualified to be just another assistant, even Jon knew it, but she seemed to accept her role without any complaints. 

It was awkward at first, trying to navigate working so closely after the way they’d left things. But… Tim was glad to see her again. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t missed her. He’d thought that maybe, after that night together, things could’ve been different. That perhaps they could’ve been more than friends. Clearly, he’d thought wrong, though. So he’d stamped those feelings away and pretended like he could be fine with just being colleagues again. Even acquaintances would’ve been enough for him. 

Martin was the one who’d suggested the three of them, technically the four of them, but Jon had quickly declined, go out for drinks one night. Tim had almost laughed at it, but when Sasha had agreed, he couldn’t say no. After a couple of drinks, he’d felt much more relaxed. Like he could be himself again. Properly. Even Sasha had seemed to relax, letting herself laugh at his jokes and crack some of her own. They stayed out for hours that night, laughing away at everything and anything. 

Friday night pub nights came back after that, even on the nights when Martin couldn’t make it. He and Sasha almost went back to how they used to be. Tim even got the courage to ask her to come over for a movie one night, just a movie. It had been awkward at first, but with a glass of wine and a big bowl of popcorn between them, they were both able to relax. It was that night that they both really opened up again, like they used to. 

That had been a week before the worms started showing up. 

After that, pub nights happened less, but Sasha seemed to come over more. She was scared. They both were, really, but while Tim was accustomed to this fear, it was new to her. She didn’t like the unknown, she hated it. She’d been so used to being able to find the answers she was searching for, but now she couldn’t and she was scared. Film nights happened more often and if she fell asleep curled up against him, he wasn’t about to say anything about it. It was nice having her there. He could almost let himself think of the feelings he’d pushed away months ago. Almost. 

And then everything went to shit.

Now it was almost two weeks since whatever had once been Jane Prentiss attacked the Institute and he wanted more than anything to just leave this horrible hospital room. Jon had gotten to go two days ago, but Tim had had to go and make some dumb joke about his skin crawling that made them insist that he stay for one last run of tests. 

He sighed and changed positions again on the little cot, pulling out his phone to have something to do since sleep didn’t seem to want to come to him. He checked the time, frowning when he saw it was nearing three. 

Maybe it was the sleep deprivation making him do it, but he pulled open his text conversations and clicked on the most recent thread. His fingers moved on their own, tapping out a message and hitting send before he could stop himself. 

_ im sick of this hospital, i miss u _

He stared down at his phone, at the words he’d written before letting out a small sigh. He was about to close it again when a read notification came through, making his heart leap into his throat. He hadn’t expected her to be awake and he almost cursed, hoping he hadn’t been the one to wake her. 

_ I miss you, too.  _

That made him really smile in a way he hadn’t in weeks. He was about to write something back when another text came in from her. 

_ They should be letting you out tomorrow, though, right? _

_ thats the hope, yeah, ill try not to fuck it up this time _

He had more that he wanted to say. He wanted to tell her that he was scared to go home, that he didn’t know how he’d manage when he could barely feel safe in the hospital, let alone back in his unguarded flat. But he stopped himself from writing any of that. Before she could ask him another question, he sent off one of his own. Thinking about her made it easier to take his mind off of himself. 

_ what are u doin up this late?? arent u back at work??  _

He worried about her, probably more than he should. Probably more than he worried about himself. 

_ I can’t sleep. No routine to keep to has ruined me. As for work, Elias gave us all another week off. They’re only just finishing up with quarantining the archives.  _

Tim hummed softly to himself at that. He hadn’t thought of how long cleaning and de-worming the archives would take. At least it meant Sasha stayed away from the place. 

_ What’s got you up still? _

He almost laughed at the question. Such a simple question, but the answer was anything but. Should he tell her the truth? The whole truth? Tim shook his head and stared at the little blinking cursor for a moment, trying to decide what to tell her. 

_ cant sleep either _

He sent the text, but paused before letting himself send another one. 

_ not worth it, really. the nightmares just wake me up anyway _

He didn’t know why he told her that. Sure, they’d talked about stuff like this before, but… Not since everything had really happened. They hadn’t been close like this in a while. He missed it, though. Missed being able to call her up about anything and everything, even if he just wanted to hear her voice. He was almost tempted to text her back and apologize, but her response came through before he could. 

_ Yeah, me too. Hard to get any sleep anymore because of them. _

It almost made Tim smile to have her be so open with him. Almost. 

_ I just don’t feel safe anymore. Not after everything that happened.  _

This wasn’t their usual dance and Tim felt like he was fumbling as he tried to learn the steps. Sasha wasn’t normally the kind of person to open up honestly, it threw him off. As much as he wanted to try and fan that flame, he didn’t have the energy to spend on carefully planning those words. All he could do was be honest back with her and hope that was enough. 

_ me neither, not even in the hospital. im just scared _

He hated that fact more than anything. He hated that he couldn’t do anything to make himself feel safer, to make her feel safe. He just wanted it all to go back to normal, back to before the worms and before the creepy bloke that Sasha had seen and before he started feeling hopeless again.

There was a long pause after he sent the last message. He’d started to think that she’d passed out and that’s why she hadn’t replied, but then came the notification with a simple question.

_ Did the doctors say when you might be released tomorrow? _

Tim furrowed his brow as he stared at the question, such an abrupt change from their conversation.

_ they said the test results should be in around eight, should be released around nine if they all come back good. why?? _

He didn’t have to wait long for a response that time, almost immediately Sasha texted him back. Tim wasn’t sure what one would call the noise that he made. Maybe it was a laugh, maybe it was a sob. He wasn’t even sure what all the emotions he felt were. The only one he could make out was relief. 

_ I’ll be there. I think Martin will let me borrow his car so we can get you home. You don’t have to be alone, you’ll be with me. _

It wasn’t until a tear dropped onto his phone screen that Tim realized he was crying. He still couldn’t tell if they were tears of sadness or of relief or what. All he did know was that he didn’t know what he would do without Sasha. 

_ thank u. really. i dont know what id do without u _

And it was true. He had barely wanted to think about what he’d do going home where there wouldn’t even be the soft background noise of nurses walking around and machines beeping. He didn’t let himself think about how she’d have to leave eventually. One step at a time. 

_ You’re welcome. Try to get a little rest before morning?  _

Before he could even text her back to remind her that she was also awake, she shot off another text, as if expecting his snarky remark.

_ I’ll try to do the same, too.  _

He smiled at the text and nodded. He didn’t even have to lie to her in his response, as his eyelids were already feeling heavy.

_ alright, ill try if u do. gnight sash, i love u _

He smiled at the immediate response.

_ I love you, too, Tim. See you tomorrow.  _

And with that, he shut his phone off and let his eyes finally slip shut. He fell asleep thinking of her. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks again to my main bitch @pepperpotsnpans, I love and appreciate her for betaing my fic and also bullying me to finish my fic. 
> 
> I hope yall liked this shorter fic. If you did, leaving a kudos/comment would be great. Thanks yall. <3

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Not Alone (Podfic)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27997938) by [Ecchima](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ecchima/pseuds/Ecchima)




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